Jack Shidte: This is the match I've been waiting a good two or three months for! Dawkins is finally gonna get his hands on that back stabber Tommy Levi!

Jim Ross: That's right. You can see the cage beginning to lower. It will not be raised until someone in that ring says "I QUIT!"

"What we have here is ... failure ... to communicate." Guns N Roses "Civil War" begins, as the crowd boos, as Taylor Dawkins appears at the top of the ramp

Ann Ouncer: This match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Thunder dome Cage I Quit Match! Entering the ring first, weighing in at 255 pounds, Taylor Dawkins!

Taylor Dawkins holds the Sanka can close to him, as the wall of fire erupts in front of him. When it comes back down, he's dragging his tongue up and down it

Jim Ross: That sick piece of crap! That's a man's dead mother!

Jack Shidte: Man, Dawkins is the MAN!

Taylor Dawkins rolls under the bottom rope, looking up at the cage, which is still slowly being lowered, but you know, it won't go all the way down cause the guys have to enter! Suddenly, Cherry Poppin Daddies' "Here Comes the Snake" starts, with Levi bursting down the aisle.

Ann Ouncer: And his opponent, weighing in at 235 pounds, TOMMY--

Jim Ross: And Ann got out of there VERY quickly!

Jack Shidte: That's cause she's somewhat smart! Taylor Dawkins and Levi are trading shots, and I am not talking Cuervo Gold here!

Jim Ross: Yeah, but where's the referee?

Suddenly, the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Higher Ground" blasts, as the fans get to their feet! President Boyce runs out, and slides under the bottom rope, as the cage is finally lowered.

Jack Shidte: Great, Mr. Impartiality himself!

Jim Ross: Boyce is gonna be fair ... fair, but stern

Jack Shidte: God, look at those two go! Taylor Dawkins with a knee to the gut! Levi with an eye rake! And a right to the side!

Jim Ross: Levi whipping Taylor Dawkins FACE FIRST into the cage! You're insane if you don't think there's gonna be blood in THIS one!

Jack Shidte: oh yeah, IT'LL BE GREAT! Levi's ramming the back of Taylor Dawkin's head into the mat, and Boyce isn't doing a DAMN THING!

Jim Ross: There's no rules, man! It's an "I Quit" match! And I don't see either one of these guys actually quitting!

Jack Shidte: You got that right! Well, I know Taylor Dawkins won't ... but Levi? He's kinda weak

Tommy Levi lifts Taylor Dawkins to his feet, and headbutts him right on the bridge of the nose. Taylor Dawkins collapses to the mat at about the same time that his nose collapses into a bloody mush

Jack Shidte: Taylor Dawkin's nose is BUSTED!

Jim Ross: Well Levi's not wasting ANY time getting the violence going! Taylor Dawkins made this more personal than anything I've EVER seen!

Tommy Levi stomps away at the fallen body of Taylor Dawkins. He goes for a knee drop

Jack Shidte: YES! Taylor Dawkins moved! He's up, and I think Levi may have tweaked his knee!

Jim Ross: Already? You have to be kidding me! These men are conditioned beyond any point they've ever seen before! But look at Taylor Dawkins... Look at that sadistic look in his eye ... he's measuring Levi up, that's for sure!

Levi begins to hobble back up to his feet, trying to shake his knee out

Jack Shidte: Oh man, this is gonna be great... I just KNOW Taylor Dawkin's got something planned here!

Jim Ross: Levi turns!

Jack Shidte: Taylor Dawkins with a Greco Roman kick to the family jewels!

Jim Ross: That sick bastard!

Jack Shidte: Levi's face just turned red, green, and blue in about three seconds FLAT! Look at his face, Ross! This is HILARIOUS!

Jim Ross: Oh yeah, that's real funny! What a cheap shot by the ultimate cheap shot artist! Levi's down, and he's coughing violently

Jack Shidte: And look at Taylor! He's got Levi's legs... Sharpshooter, perhaps?

Jim Ross: Of course not! He just stomped Levi's, umm, privates, he just stomped him low again!

Jack Shidte: And AGAIN! How can you hate this, Jim? You're the one that's always extolling the virtues of picking a body part and staying on it!

Jim Ross: This is NOT what I had in mind!

Taylor Dawkins brings Levi to his feet, and whips him into the ropes

Jack Shidte: FIREMAN'S BUSTER! Holy Jesus H. Christ! I haven't seen that in a LONG TIME!

Jim Ross: Dawkins PERFECTLY executing that Fireman's Buster, sending Levi up into the air, and catching him with the Diamond Cutter variation on the way down! I'm not gonna sit here and say that Taylor Dawkins isn't a sound competitor, cause that's a damned lie. But the man does so much stuff that just ... it doesn't make any God damn sense, Jack!

Jack Shidte: Well, I'm sure since he cares SO MUCH about your opinion, maybe he'll tone it down! Taylor Dawkin's got Levi back up, OH! Big shot to the gut!

Jim Ross: And look at that! Taylor Dawkins with a sucker punch to the back of Levi's head! He threw a RABBIT PUNCH, Jack! How can you sit there and cheer this guy?

Jack Shidte: Umm, take a look at Taylor Dawkin's face, and tell me that Levi's a fair fighter!

Jim Ross: That's not the point-

Jack Shidte: Hold on! Submission time! Taylor Dawkin's got Levi in an Indian Death Lock! He's even bridged back, and got the neck pulled up, too! This could be it!

Jim Ross: Oh man, Dawkins is just GRINDING that lock, and Boyce is right there, checking for a submission, he's got the mic right there!

President Boyce: Tommy, do you give up? Tommy, are you done??

Tommy Levi: HELL NO!

Jim Ross: Lord no! Taylor Dawkins is just WRENCHING this Indian Death Lock on Levi! I don't see how Levi is gonna get out of this!

Tommy Levi tries to pry Dawkins' hands from his chin, slowly sliding them upwards. Dawkins lets out a scream

Jack Shidte: That dirty bastard! He's biting Dawkins' fingers off!

Jim Ross: Well, he got out of the hold, and that's the only thing that matters here!

Jack Shidte: Taylor Dawkin's staying on him, though! Look at him just RAINING down on Levi with those rights and lefts! Levi's trying to defend himself, but Taylor Dawkins keeps punching! Now Taylor Dawkin's got the mic!

Taylor Dawkins: Hey, slutass! You give up yet?

Tommy Levi: NO!

A loud THUNK is heard as Taylor Dawkins smashes Levi across the head with the mic

Taylor Dawkins: How about now?

Levi: SCREW YOU!

Another very audible THUNK permeates through the arena

Taylor Dawkins: Just give it up, man! Your Mom gave it up all the time, that filthy whore! Give up!

Levi: NO GOD DAMN WAY!

~Levi kicks Dawkins off him, and quickly gets to his feet. As Taylor Dawkins regains HIS footing, Levi takes him down with a spear, and grabs the mic, choking Taylor Dawkins with his other hand~

Levi: Give up, Taylor Dawkins! Come on, just pack it up!

Taylor Dawkins: You're kidding me...

~THUNK, you know the rest~

Levi: If you don't give up, I'm going to watch you die in this ring!

Taylor Dawkins: I am not... giving up....

~THUNK!~

Jim Ross: This is HIDEOUS! Both men just PELTING the other with the microphone!

Jack Shidte: I didn't think it'd get like this, Jim!

Jim Ross: Then you obviously haven't been watching since late May!

~Levi lifts Taylor Dawkin's head up, and just paintbrushes him with a right hand~

Jack Shidte: He just bitch slapped him!

Jim Ross: That's because Taylor Dawkins IS a little BITCH!

Levi: You give up yet?

Taylor Dawkins: Am I still... breathing?!?

~THUNK!~

Jack Shidte: Well, I guess Levi got bored with that, he's gotten back to his feet... Dawk's crawling on the ring trying to get some air back into him

Jim Ross: Oh! Levi with a soccer kick to the ribs! I think I just saw Ronaldo blushing!

Jack Shidte: Dawk's trying to roll away... and Levi with ANOTHER kick to the ribs! And another! And another!

Jim Ross Levi with a flurry of kicks to the ribs, and listen to these fans, they're DEAFENING!

Jack Shidte: Taylor better do something QUICK, or he could be in BIG TROUBLE!

Jim Ross: Oh, look at him! He's grabbing at Levi's legs, trying to get to his knees... what a little--

Jack Shidte: HA! Dawk staying with that one body part, as he just SOCKED Levi in the funbag!

Jim Ross: That was SO blatant! I can't believe Dawk can say he has compassion for ANYONE! Tommy Levi may not be able to father any children after this!

Jack Shidte: Then he'd REALLY owe Dawk a debt of gratitude!

Jim Ross: Dawk's back to his feet, and wait! Anklelock! He's got the Anklelock made famous by Ken Shamrock applied! Levi is SCREAMING!

Jack Shidte: Levi's lucky it's an ankle lock! Now when he won't quit, Dawk can't hit him with the mic!

Jim Ross: Look at the torque on that ankle! It looks like it's gonna snap in two!

President Boyce: Levi? You give up?!?

Tommy Levi: AAAAAH!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

~The crowd erupts, as Levi squirms around, trying to free himself~

Jim Ross: This is a VERY smart move for Dawk to be using... not only is Levi in SERIOUS pain, but Dawk can just sit there, and regain that oxygen that Levi deprived him of. A very, VERY intelligent strategy here...

President Boyce: Levi... come on, man... think of your future... do you give up?!?

Levi: Get that mic outta my GOD DAMN FACE!

Jim Ross: Hold on! Look at this! Levi... YEAH! Levi just kicked Taylor in the face with his other leg! Dawk just SNAPPED backwards to the mat, and Levi's free!

Jack Shidte: That lucky son of a--

Jim Ross: Levi... oh yeah! Levi's going for the FIGURE FOUR!!! HE'S GOT IT!!! Dawkins is trapped in the figure four leglock... what a tribute to Levi's mentor, Ric Flair!

Jack Shidte: God DAMN it! Come on, Taylor... you have to fight this!

President Boyce: So, do you give up yet?

Dawk: Do I look like Storm?!?

~THUNK!~

Jack Shidte: What the HELL?!? Boyce just drilled Dawkins with the mic! What a fair, unbiased, impartial ref we have here!

Jim Ross: I can't condone this, but I understand...

President Boyce: You give up now?

Dawk: You hit me with that mic again...

~THUNK!~

Jim Ross: He asked for THAT, Jack...

Jack Shidte: Oh man, Boyce needs to be shot!

Jim Ross: Hold the phone! Dawkins looking to reverse it... he's trying, and Levi's fighting it!

Jack Shidte: Come on, Taylor!

Jim Ross: Oh, look at this! Taylor's wrenching that previously weakened ankle of Levi! And NOW he's.... he's REVERSED IT!

Jack Shidte: And look at THIS transistion! He released the figure four reversal and segued RIGHT into the SHARPSHOOTER!

Jim Ross: Shades of the great Hitman Bret Hart right there... he's riding up high on that Sharpshooter, too... Levi's in BIG trouble...

Jack Shidte: God damn right!

President Boyce: Levi, do you give up?!

~Levi breathes deeply into the mic, not answering~

President Boyce: Levi, do you give up?!?

~Again, Levi just stares blankly, not answering~

President Boyce: Levi, if you don't gimme an answer, I don't care what the rules say, I'm gonna stop this...

~Levi buries his face into his arms, simply extending a middle finger~

Jim Ross: The crowd is going WILD! Levi will NOT give up!

Jack Shidte: Hold on! Levi's trying to push up out of this!

Jim Ross: Look at the intensity on his face! Look at the veins! This is what it's all about!

Jack Shidte: Come on, Dawk! Pull back! Break him!

Jim Ross: Levi's got his arms fully extended! He COULD get out if he... YES! He spun out of it! Dawk stumbles forward, and Levi just swept his legs out from under him!

Jack Shidte: I've never seen such resiliency from either man! This is awesome!

Jim Ross: Now they're both on their knees... and Dawk with a HUGE right hand!

Jack Shidte: Levi sways back, but he's not down! OH! Levi with a right of his own!

Jim Ross: Dawk teeters back... and teeters forward... ANOTHER right hand!

Jack Shidte: Levi again leaning back... and he retaliates with yet ANOTHER right of his own! And ANOTHER! And ANOTHER!

Jim Ross: Dawk collapses! Levi slowly gets to his feet... he's got a waistlock around Dawk... look at the strength! He just lifted Dawk to HIS feet... GERMAN SUPLEX!

Jack Shidte: He didn't let go! ANOTHER german suplex!

Jim Ross: And a THIRD ONE! Levi's telling Boyce to check on Dawk!

President Boyce: Dawk, do you give up now, you miserable piece of--

Dawk: EAT A DICK!

Jim Ross: Levi didn't like THAT answer... a FOURTH German suplex! And a FIFTH!

Jack Shidte: Good GOD, this is VICIOUS! A SIXTH german suplex!

President Boyce: How about now, do you give up?

Dawk: NO!

Jim Ross: Levi's going for a seventh german suplex...

Jack Shidte: Hold up! Dawk blocked it! And an elbow to the side of Levi's face! And a second one! A third one! Dawk breaks the waistlock!

Jim Ross: Levi scoops him up! SNAKE EYES!!! Levi just planted Dawkins with the SNAKE EYES!!!

Jack Shidte: Well, in a NORMAL match, that'd be smart, but if Dawk's unconscious, it's gonna be kind of hard for him to give up, you know?!?

Jim Ross: Levi doesn't care! He's out to hurt the one man he thought he could trust... and that one man butchered their friendship...

Jack Shidte: Levi's headed up to the top rope... what's he gonna try?

Jim Ross: Tommy Levi's not your aerial wizard, so when he heads up top, you KNOW he's got SOMETHING planned...

~Levi stands on the top rope, and looks around. He lifts his arms up, before leaping~

Jack Shidte: SUPERFLY SPLASH! Wrestling historians be DAMNED! Tommy Levi just pulled out the Superfly splash! As a Snuka fan, I can say that THAT was DAMN COOL!

Jim Ross: Levi's back to his feet... he's going for a Texas cloverleaf! If he hooks this, it may very well be over!

Jack Shidte: Not so fast, Jimmy! Dawk's fighting it! He just kicked Levi in the mush!

Jim Ross: Levi stumbles back, and Dawk rolls up to his feet!

Jack Shidte: Levi charges... Dawk counters... DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!!

Jim Ross: Dawk hit the DVD out of NOWHERE!

Jack Shidte: Oh, look now... Dawk's dragging Levi by the arm to the cage... CHEESE GRATER!!! He's just SLICING Levi's face across the steel mesh!

Jim Ross: The cage really hadn't been much of a factor thus far! But Dawkins is using it in the most brutal way I know of! Levi's a bloody mess!

President Boyce: You give up, Tommy?

Dawk: Gimme THAT!

Jack Shidte: Dawk swiped the mic! This can't be good... but it CAN be SWEET!

Dawk: You had enough yet, slutass?!?

Levi: NO!

~THUNK!~

Jack Shidte: HAHAHA!! YES!

Jim Ross: Dawk pulling Levi back now, and he's hooked the leg!

Jack Shidte: He's going for it!

Jim Ross: UP... aaaaannd... FISHERMAN'S BUSTER!!!

Jack Shidte: Oh yeah! It's OVER!

Jim Ross: Tommy Levi's motionless... and now DAWK is headed to the top rope...

~Dawk crouches, slowly standing up straight. He looks at Boyce, flipping him off, before extending his arms straight up, with his two index fingers pointed to the heavens, before jumping~

Jack Shidte: Flying elbow drop! Macho Man Randy Savage just said "Oooh DAMN! That was AWESOME, YEEEEEAH!"

Jim Ross: What the hell is Dawkins doing? He's walking to the corner... oh NO! He's got that damn Sanka can! What the hell--

Jack Shidte: NO!

Jim Ross: LEVI'S UP!!! Tommy Levi is ON HIS FEET! I don't believe it! Dawk doesn't know what's going on!!!

Jack Shidte: TURN AROUND!!!

Jim Ross: HE JUST DID! Look at his eyes!!! Dawk's down to his knees, he's BEGGING for mercy!

Jack Shidte: He's calling for time out!!! Come on, Boyce, he's calling for time out!!!

Jim Ross: There are NO timeouts in WRESTLING!

Jack Shidte: Oh man, this can't be good!

Jim Ross: Levi's gonna... what the hell?!? Dawk just handed Levi the Sanka can!

Jack Shidte: YES!!!

Jim Ross: GOD DAMN IT, NO! Levi just cracked Boyce over the head with the can! Boyce is down!!! Levi's extending his hand... to DAWK?!?

Jack Shidte: Look at them, they've got grins on their faces!!!

Jim Ross: NO! They're putting the boots to the President! Boyce is helpless! And no one can get in... or out!

Jack Shidte: That's right! someone has to say "I Quit" for this cage to rise!

Jim Ross: They've got Boyce up... Dawk with a piledriver... and Levi spikes it! This is disgusting! Levi's got a blade in his pocket... that's what he usually slices himself open with when he's walking down the aisle... NO! NO!!!

Jack Shidte: He's carving Boyce's head like a pumpkin, and Dawk's holding Boyce down!

Jim Ross: How can they do this?!?

Jack Shidte: Wait, here comes Storm!!!

Jim Ross: Storm is pleading for them to stop! Dawk's walking over to her now...

Jack Shidte: HA!!! He just gave her the finger!

Jim Ross: Storm's in tears! She can't get in, this cage has been reinforced about ten times over... Levi knew exactly what he was doing when he made this match!

Jack Shidte: Man, it makes you wonder... how long has this plan been in effect?!?

Jim Ross: I don't even want to think about it! Boyce is down, unconscious, and bloodied, with his wife watching three feet away, and she can't do a God damn thing about it!

Jack Shidte: Oh man, Levi's got the mic!

Levi: Just say it, Boyce! And the cage will rise!!! Don't do it for us, don't do it for yourself... do it for your wife.

Jim Ross: That sick, sick son of a BITCH!

Boyce: I... I q-....

 I quit....

Jack Shidte: HA! He gave up!

Jim Ross: GOOD LORD! Those bastards!! Those Damned DAMNED Bastards!!

Jim Ross: I can't believe what we've just seen! It was an EPIC match before Dawkins handed Levi the Sanka can... I wouldn't be surprised to know that those weren't even Levi's mother's ashes in the can...

Jack Shidte: Look at Dawk and Levi, one last bow at the entrance... God love 'em!

Jim Ross: Those guys are the two biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen in my life!!! I can't believe what I've just witnessed My Gawd... we need some help out here!! Somebody send some Goddamn HELP!

The End.